Thursday, March 18, 2010

The '80s, and the Golden Age of Mankind

"The Terminator" was on AMC today, and that got me thinking of the greatest societal era humankind and their ilk shall ever hope to see: The Eighties.

Everybody was a little bit tougher back then, and sissy liberals were not the Neo-Socialists they are now.  You could smoke indoors, if you didn't like it, go somewhere else, it was still a relatively free country where a person could decide to have smoking in their own damn restaurant or bar.  Portable electronics were being integrated into our daily lives for the very first time, and were still seen as a convenience.  They were not the attention-span crutches and brain-mushification devices of a Ritalin-dependent "Holy shit, god forbid I not be able to watch cartoon people fuck every second of the day" generation that they are now.  Do you really need to watch YouTube while talking to your buddy Tra?  If you wanted to play some vidya-games you got your ass on a bike and rode to the Arcade and at least socialized with other kids.
If you wanted to, you could still go fly to a shooting war proper and stomp some Pinko-Commie faces into muddy shit-holes.  Fuck, it was Commie Open Season in Afghanistan!  Speaking of Commies, it was still OK to hate them, they were even called "Reds" or "The Enemy."  How damn cool is that?  You were allowed to feel animosity towards the people who aspired to kill our leaders, bomb our cities, and force us into their way of life.




The rise of Arnold, when he was still a man and not the Gummy-bear of Candy-cornia.



Our greatest President of the Modern Era.  If anybody ever says anything bad about him in your presence, hit them in the mouth.  If the police try to arrest you for this, tell them why you did it.  If they still try to arrest you, hit them in the mouth.  They are Anti-Reaganites, and must be dealt with.

I'm going to let this little rant of the good 'ol days peter out with a small list of the many ups, and a few of the downs.  The downs are still ups compared to the shit going on today, so it's cool to me.

Ups:


Leg-Warmers and Thong Leotards on ladies working out.


MTV actually played Music Videos.  They even had Headbangers Ball, WITH 3 HOUR EPISODES!!1!


Playboy had more tan-lines and bush was well-tended bush, not just an indicator the chick never shaved.  In addition, you could get a girl with a bush that still shaved her pits.  Not as prevalent today.

Downs:

The Mullet had been born in the 60's, been an awkward teen in the 70's, but in the 80's it turned 21 and got to leave it's parents place on weekends to PAAAAAAAARTY!


Jimmy Carter, FUCK YOU!  Thankfully this ass-clown sullied the Golden Age for a year, then returned to his Peanut Farm a cool million in debt.  What did we learn about how other people treat your money?


Thank God for shoulder pads and puffy sleeves!  What else could ladies do to make their shoulders look broader or their arms bigger if not dress like a football player?